I W ish I Were A Liberal. By John O’Callaghan.

I wish i were a Liberal i really wish i do

then i could tell you people exactly what to do

i would swagger with a rhythm and a sycophantic bent

and if ever i am questioned i could simply just repent…..

I thought it would be easy this epiphany of mine

to embrace the Lib philosophy which is surely not a crime

but i needed expert guidance some mentors of repute

a political Beethoven or a conservative magic flute……..

I had heard about a man who was big in Sydney town

his fans called him God his opponents called him clown

so i managed a liaison with a man called Mr Drones

who proceeded to instruct me on the Liberal party tome…..

Now i couldn’t quite decipher his words just made no sense

in fact i thought they sounded,well,rather rather bent

he told me i was stupid and bellowed a decree

that progressive ways of thinking would lead to purgoraty…….

Now i quickly changed direction down south to Melbourne town

where the Holy Grail was waiting which im sure will be profound

but Christmas was approaching then the Herald angel sung

of freedom,free speech and equality, for all the Southern Sons……..

Then a hand shot out to greet me like a bolt out of the blue

he promised to introduce me to a man he called Guru

this Guru would inspire me would listen to my fears

like an Audio Pachydermos with two gigantic ears…….

He sat down and recited from a little book of blue

but halfway through summation i said it sounded like bulls poo

he roared at me in anger and took me by surprise

i think your’e just a progressive plant and your’e not even from my tribe……

My mind began to wonder just what could i do next

so i decided to seek opinion from the opposite fairer sex

i’d heard about this lady a speaker of renown

so i saddled up the bronco and rode to Canberra town…..

Her presence was formidable like an ancient warrior Queen

and the crown that sat upon her head the likes iv’e never seen

but when i asked my question on the Lib philosophy

she said You Are Out Of Order now please leave my company…….

I said i beg to differ your ruling is not fair

but she just smiled and walked away as if i wasn’t there

then suddenly i was accosted by a swarm of vicious bees

they stung me to submission and brought me to my knees……

By now i’d had a gutfull and the penny finally dropped

why these bloody stupid idealogues have really lost the plot

they bluster and they holler and shed their crocodile tears

their just filling in a vacuum just reeling in the years…….

My Father fought for freedom at this place El Alamein

so you and i would never face that threat again

some mates were killed in action some granted a reprieve

and once their wounds were tendered sent to fight the Japanese……..

Now this Government is trashing our forebears legacy

so no more will i seek Liberal i hope you will agree

they are blatant opportunist an evil cruel regime

and it’s something that Australia has never ever seen……

And so i have determined as determined as i can be

to never wish upon myself an LNP Party

they can keep their lords and laidies their knighthoods and their dames

and people who support them should hang their heads in shame……

So my message to the Government of any shape or hue

is to govern for the Country not just the chosen few

cause if you just ignore us our vote we will redact

and we will rise up and defeat you, and take our Country back………


Cory Bernardi dumps LNP as Talcum Tanks in Polls!

The Gutter Trash



With thanks to our exclusive sources, The Gutter Trash can reveal the rabid right-wing conservative MP and Tony Abbott loyalist Cory Bernardi is set to walk away from the Liberal Party within the next 48 hours.

Bernardi was gutted when the comparatively moderate Malcolm Turnbull sabotaged former Liberal Party Leader Tony Abbott in September 2015 and assumed control of the Liberal Party in an overnight coup.

Since then, Bernardi has formed a coalition of conservative MPs within the LNP consisting of the likes of Erica Abetz, Tony Abbott and George Christensen. This vocal minority have been accused of not-so-secretly holding the Prime Minister to ransom over contentious issues like “equality” and “protecting the environment.”

Now, in the wake of an abysmal poll that would signal the complete annihilation of the LNP if an election were held today, Bernardi is expected to confirm…

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Turnbull government in crisis; fobs off nation with review.

Urban Wronski Writes


Pleonexia … originating from the Greekπλεονεξία, is a philosophical concept which roughly corresponds to greed, covetousness, or avarice, and is strictly defined as “the insatiable desire to have what rightfully belongs to others”, suggesting a … “ruthless self-seeking and an arrogant assumption that others and things exist for one’s own benefit”.[1]

“We are dealing with other peoples’ money,” intones Malcolm Turnbull, taking the high moral ground as he fronts a thin press conference on the afternoon of Friday 13th. Other people’s money. Who would have thought? Tell Centrelink.

The conference room is almost empty. The Canberra Press Gallery is either on holiday or heading for happy hour. A bored government staffer stands to one side; a stage-manager, ready to call time on any questions after the Prime Minister’s hammy but low-energy performance. The atmosphere is let’s get this show off the road.

Turnbull grips the edges…

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Budget Night Bingo!

The Gutter Trash


It’s back!

Our fun-filled budget night extravaganza that happens only once a year – Budget Night Bingo!  Brought to you by our valued new sponsors Berocca and Smirnoff.

For those who are unfamiliar with the territory here’s how it works…

You will need:

At least two bottles of an acceptable red wine (or equivalent)

Some snacks

A piece of cardboard

A pair of scissors

Some glue or sticky tape

A pen (or pencil)


  1. Print out the “”EXCLUSIVE”” Gutter Trash Bingo card pictured above
  2. Stick it on to the piece or cardboard using the glue or some sticky tape, or blu-tack even.
  3. Tune in to the ABC to watch ScoMo’s Federal Budget speech on Tuesday night.
  4. When he says something that’s printed on the Bingo card, have swig of grog.
  5. Repeat until pissed.

P.S. The Gutter Trash encourages responsible drinking. Enjoy alcohol in moderation or drink a much as you…

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Election defeat could finish the LNP for good

The Gutter Trash


The stage is set for a D-D (delusion and drama) election on Saturday July 2nd  – and that’s just a mere eleven weeks away.

It’s going to be a fun-thrilled ride, with Malcolm Turnbull successfully securing the trigger for the election after ‘those opposite’ refused to acquiesce to his royal demands for a building a construction industry watchdog to be reinstated to watch over how buildings are assembled by tradies and the like (or something like that).

Oddly enough, ‘the rest of Australia’ couldn’t really see what all the fuss was about, unless you were someone with an unhealthy obsession with Unions.

However the scrag fighting has already begun, with our well-paid elected representatives accusing each other of lies, deception and fraud.  And that’s just within the LNP.

Once the golden boy of Australian politics, the member for Goldman Sachs, has in the space of a few short months…

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How can I help you win today? Turnbull and Morrison’s politics of fear and division.

Urban Wronski Writes


“How can I help you win today?” Clay Nelson, US salesman and Morrison’s mentor.

Journos sulk balefully as Federal Treasurer Morrison wastes everyone’s time at Wednesday’s Press Club lunch. No-one’s up for yet another game of pin the tail on the donkey as Liberal government policy briefings have become.

Scott Morrison’s fended off the press before. His career is built on non-responses. As Sovereign Border Enforcer, Supreme Commander Brush-Off Morrison ruled any useful question out of order by militarising immigration, a tradition capably founded by Liberal PM John Winston Howard who in the Tampa crisis started the pernicious myth that refugees are our enemy. We have been at war with asylum seekers and ourselves ever since.

Happily for our PM it’s open season on demon people-smugglers, many of whom are refugees themselves. The vile, evil scum cop yet another salvo from a Turnbull determined to show he’s not soft on…

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